


Creepypasta Is Dumb

by gxntlxgrxngx



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Creepypasta, Creepypasta is dumb, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, this is literally just me being salty about creepypastas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 22:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17010426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gxntlxgrxngx/pseuds/gxntlxgrxngx
Summary: Hey, I'm back fellas. I'm here to present you with my new series: Creepypasta Is Dumb. It's probably just going to be a bunch of salty essays and rewrites of popular pastas, the first of which being an analysis of Jeff The Killer.I mean no offence to anyone in the Creepypasta fandom. I actually quite enjoy some of the stories I'll be analysing and shitting on, I just think that these stories had potential that was wasted due to poor writing and a lack of understanding of reality.Enjoy!





	Creepypasta Is Dumb

**Author's Note:**

> most of this is half-assed because i got really tired while writing and my entire body was hurting. thank you, have a good read.

**Kai T. Reynolds**

**December 15, 2018**

 

**Jeff The Killer Is Dumb: A Less Than Comprehensive Essay From A Salty Boy**

 

_ “Jeff The Killer” _ may be one of the most well known Creepypasta stories on the internet. Published in 2008 on the  _ Creepypasta  _ website, the story has grown to become of the most recognisable works of fiction out there. Matched with the unsettling image of  [ Jeff’ ](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/2/2c/Jeff_the_Killer.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/310?cb=20180608213131) s pale face staring directly into the camera, its fan base has grown exponentially. However, despite the story’s popularity, it is riddled with grammatical errors and poor writing. On top of that, it has no basis in reality, which brings issues that will be discussed throughout this essay. 

 

The  _ Jeff The Killer  _ story follows the Woods family, which includes Jeffery, his brother Liu, mother Margaret and father Peter. The story starts with an explanation of the Woods family moving to a brand new neighbourhood after the father had taken a new job. Their neighbour, Barbara, introduced herself to the family and invites them to her son Billy’s birthday party. Jeff waits until the woman leaves to complain to his mother about inviting him to “some kid’s” party. His mother dismisses this with the explanation that they should get to know their new neighbours and Jeff goes up to his new room. This is when Jeff’s “feeling” arises for the first time. It’s described as “not so much a pain, but a weird feeling”. He dismisses it and goes to help unpack. 

 

The next morning, when Jeff goes down for breakfast after having gotten ready for school, he gets said feeling again (which, this time, is described as stronger and giving him a “slight tugging pain”). HIm and his brother walk down to their bus stop, at which they are met with the antagonists of the story. Randy, the first to be introduced, does the cliched bully thing and introduced his friends to Jeff and Liu. There’s a skinny boy named Keith and a fat boy named Troy. Randy then proceeds to explain that there is a “bus fair” for new kids on the block. One of the boys pulls a knife, which leads to Jeff standing. He’s described to have that “weird feeling” again, though this time it’s a burning sensation. Randy pulls a knife as well when Jeff threatens him. They fight, and Jeff takes all three of them down easily, stabbing Keith’s arm as he does. The boy’s go to school, and all is normal. 

 

The next morning, Jeff comes downstairs to see his mother standing at the door talking to two police officers. She explains that they’ve told him of the previous day’s events, and he doesn’t deny it. They talk for a bit, and one of the officers tells Jeff he’s looking at one year in juvenile detention. Liu interrupts, however, holding a knife (which couldn’t have been the one Jeff used as he didn’t take it with him), and claims that he “beat up those little punks”. The police decided that it was, indeed, Liu, and take him away - despite Jeff’s pleas. He spends an hour crying in the driveway, then enters his house and goes to bed. 

 

Two day pass by and Jeff’s mother comes to wake him up for the party. Jeff protests, hoping that his mother won’t make him go after all that had happened. She dismisses this, saying that it’ll help brighten things up, and tells Jeff to get dressed. This is the scene when Jeff dawns his signature black dress pants and white hoodie. They go to the party, and Jeff ends up having a pretty good time playing with the kids, until Randy and the others show up. They give back and forths of poorly thought out dialogue, and Troy and Keith  _ pull guns _ . They keep the rest of the party cornered while Randy beats on Jeff, fighting him into the house. 

 

Randy beats Jeff into the kitchen, and smashes a bottle of vodka over his head. Finally, after getting the “strange feeling” again, Jeff begins to fight back. The story describes something in Jeff snapping, allowing him only to feel like killing. He punches Randy in the heart, which causes it to stop (-_- …). Randy dies, and his friends race at Jeff. They fight him into the bathroom and Jeff manages to get Troy to the ground so he’s only left fighting Keith. Keith pushes Jeff into the wall, which causes a bottle of bleach to fall on the boy (??????). Keith  _ lights Jeff on fire _ and he passes out to the sight of his parents trying to extinguish his blaze. 

 

When Jeff wakes up, he finds that he can’t see anything. He knows his in a hospital (somehow). His mother explains to him that Liu is being released from juvenile detention because of eyewitness accounts (but there were none?). Weeks pass, and it’s finally time for Jeff’s bandages to be removed. When they are, Margaret  _ screams _ and Peter and Liu just stare in awe. Liu tells Jeff that it’s not that bad when he gets up. His skin is white, now having a “leathery feel to it”, and his hair is singed black (okay *aggressive eye-roll* whatever). He’s overjoyed, there’s dialogue between his parents and the doctor, and they go home. 

 

That night, Margaret wakes up to noises coming from the bathroom which sound like crying. She goes to check it out, and is met with the sight of Jeff. He had carved a smile into his cheeks, explaining that he “couldn’t keep smiling. It hurt after a while”. His mother then notices his eyes. She points this out as well, and he tells her that he got tired so he  _ burned off his eyelids so he could see himself forever _ . He asks his mother if she thinks he looks beautiful, and she says yes, then tells him she’ll go get Peter so that he can see Jeff’s beauty. 

 

We can assume Jeff follows his mother back to her room, as the next bit of the story contains him brutally (but not so much because it only describes the killing as him gutting them) murdering his family. The story ends with what we believe is Jeff murdering his brother Liu and whispering his signature phrase; “go to sleep”. 

 

Now that you know the basic plot, summarised as nicely as possible, let’s  _ finally  _ get into the analysis. 

 

The age of the characters is likely the least of the issues, though it does present something of a problem. To begin, Jeff’s age is only confirmed in the scene where Randy and his gang show up. The author describes Randy as looking “about twelve: one year younger than Jeff”. This makes Jeffrey Woods,  _ one of the most dangerous serial killers to be _ , thirteen years old. Furthermore, Liu’s age is never explicitly stated. While in the spin-off work,  [ Homicidal Liu ](https://www.wattpad.com/109963102-creepypasta-origin-stories-homicidal-liu) , Jeff refers to Liu as the elder of the two, this is never confirmed to be linked to the canon of the story. Throughout the entirety of the story, Liu is referenced to and depicted as the younger sibling, however. It seems to be widely accepted throughout the  _ Jeff The Killer _ fandom that Liu is younger than Jeff, which will play into the next issue. 

 

In the scene with the police, Liu throws himself under the bus for Jeff. If Jeff is thirteen, and Liu is younger than him, there is likely no way the police would arrest him. While there is no minimum age for juvenile detention, Jeff’s story checks out to be true. He seems genuinely ashamed to have attacked the bullies that came at him and his brother. Let’s assume Liu is about ten, three years younger than Jeff. Ten year olds that grew up in a home such as the Woods’ are generally not very good at lying, and while Liu does come out to reveal himself with a knife, some skepticism should be brought with this. A thirteen year old insisting that he only attacked in self defense, and a ten year old who is clearly trying to protect his brother should be looked at with a grain of salt. 

 

Jeff being thirteen brings an issue within itself. As a person who fought a lot when he was thirteen, I can tell you that it is not likely that one child can fight off three others - no matter if they’re younger than him or not -  _ especially _ if they have knives on them. It would take a great amount of energy to wrestle the knife from another person who is clearly versed in using one (even though he’s only  _ fucking twelve _ ). 

 

The realism in this story is worse than what we’ve talked about in previous paragraphs. The scene, maybe one of the most notable of the story, where Jeff is lit on fire brings up many issues. The worst of which is what exactly comes of him being burned alive. While it is possible, it is not likely that Jeff would have survived the experience. Usually, it takes about two to ten minutes to die from smoke inhalation, and it is likely that the adults did not show up for at least two minutes, as would have had to take care of the children and run up to the bathroom where they were. And even if Jeff had survived the burning, his skin would not have been white and leathery. It would have been red, scarred over and/or raised (depending on how exactly it scarred over). He would have been disfigured, and his hair would  _ not  _ have turned black. It would have been singed off. 

 

The next scene is Jeff’s mother finding him ruining his face further. While, yes, it is possible to carve into your face (taking aside from the possibility that you  _ bleed out because you’re a fucking idiot _ ), it is less likely that Jeff would be find after burning off his eyelids. While this is not a likely feat, it is even less likely that Jeff would come away from it without more issues. He would burn his face more, and most likely burn his eyes themselves. This would cause eye damage and potential blindness. 

 

Overall,  _ Jeff The Killer _ is a story with no basis in reality. It’s like a horror movie that tries so hard to be scary, but ends up seeming dumb. The scariest part of the story is the picture linked with the work. Had it been based the slightest bit in reality, as it’s trying to do, it may have come out better, but - unfortunately - it did not. 

 

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk


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